`confessions of a fucked up soul !

[Gabriel Gray]

GABRIEL *SYLAR* GREY ,

SHUSH GIRL ! SHUT YOUR LIPS .

[Gabriel Gray]

DEAR TANA ,

I am scared of what is to come, for the past three weeks—I have felt out of this world truly—think it started on September 12th; when one IM changed the course of my life once more. People say it’s so easy to figure out where life takes you—but it’s not, every single moment is filled with this odd despair that lingers over you—and doesn’t stop to turn away. It makes you too weak to trust or believe in things, but then again why would you believe in anything anymore? You have become nothing more than a cold monster—the hell that one person put you through—for that entire month is unforgivable—yet you forgave her because you are weak—you still don’t think she forgave you. I think many times she proved to you—just how unimportant you are—yet still, you go back. She has showed you many times—just how little you mean to her. Then why do you go back? Why do you go back to one person who can never be yours, like the way you are hers?

You truly want your heart to love someone else. Love someone who would return that love—but, you know deep down that the girl you gave your heart to isn’t giving it back to you anytime soon. Your heart refuses to part with her—and you are refusing to give yourself that feeling of freedom by letting them goes. Sometimes you wonder—whether or not you should just leave—because nothing is a certainty—each night—you wonder when they are leaving again—its almost as if you are holding your breath constantly—living in fear, wondering when the next time your heart will shatter into pieces once again. It hurts—very much, almost as if your heart is being pulled out of your ribcage, and being squeezed with a spiked glove.

They don’t see how deeply you love and want them—they just use you for now, like a pet-peeve. The moment they find their true friends or calling—it’s their turn to leave again—its coming—you know it, she knows it. For now you are waiting with baited breath—for the day she finally leaves again. She will—soon, you can feel it in your veins. Maybe that’s why you find yourself pulling back—you want to end it before she gets a chance to hurt you again—but who are you hurting but yourself? Even if you end it—nights will go by with you crying yourself to sleep again—you remember that entire month in which she was away—it kills you to think about it—but when you think about the sorrow and pain you went through that month—you just wanna crawl into your bed and cry.

You are scared of the person you are in love with—because they terrify you with every word that spills from their lips. Everything is so blissful now—but how long will it be before everything shatters to pieces once more? You know nothing now—you have become exactly what they made you—this cold sickly being that has lost her ability to trust or have faith in others. You have become exactly what you deemed yourself would never happen—then again, who is to blame but yourself. She made you nothing more than her bitch—her whore to use when she wants to—you are disgusting, lowly and you deserve to be used—because you let her do it to you every day. Feels good doesn’t it?

LOVE , TANA